Christmas tree too close to fireplace

Well, we all learn different lessons at different times. That’s clear when you stop and look at the bank accounts in this household – one is managed by an adult and one is clearly held by a teenager. Oh sorry, I was just ripping on my irresponsible husband. Make no mistake, I kid but he is a terror. He always has all these childish ideas completely disconnected from reality, and I have to pull him back down to earth to be a reasonable human time and time again. This last time the big hubbub was all about Christmas spirit. First he went out and bought the biggest goddamn Christmas tree that has ever existed, I think. The thing has to be well over 6 feet wide, and it barely fit into the house with all of our might combine. The worst part of that was his choice to purchase the tree before Thanksgiving. This meant that by Christmas the whole thing was shedding like a dog in the springtime. Dried needles, everywhere. Then, you won’t believe this. He got it in his head that we just HAD to have the fireplace up and running on Christmas morning to complete the ambiance of the room. He actually shut off the furnace so that there would be no central heat to rely on, and we would have to be extra cozy downstairs by the fireplace. We were wrapped up, shivering in heavy blankets against the immense cold of the house when things really heated up. The Christmas tree, in particular really went up in flames. Apparently the huge, dry tree was a bit too close to the fire thanks to it’s enormous girth. We tested out our brand new fire extinguisher that morning. Merry Christmas.

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